F: The Farm of Beverly Hills at LA Live

Overall Grade: 4.17

The Farm of Beverly Hills (http://www.thefarmofbeverlyhills.com/) is typically known for it's baked goods. (brownies, cookies, etc.) Word to the wise: The Farm that's located inside LA Live should officially be known for it's Bloody Marys. It's fair to say that these are the best we've had since embarking on our A-Z journey.

Why are they claiming the #1 spot, you ask...? Everything about them was just right - taste, spice variation, size, price, celery salt-salted rim option… I could go on. Okay...I will and I'll add alcohol content. As soon as I was done with my first and on to my second, it hit me like a punch in the face and low and behold, I was drunk. Good news/bad news -- bad news: I drove home afterwards. Good news: I didn't get a DUI. (notice the good news ISN'T that I didn't kill myself and/or passenger; let's be honest, we all know that deep down we really only care about our driving and arrest records.)

The food was also more than decent and it was a surprise bonus that they had a brunch option at 2 p.m. on a Monday afternoon. Bottom line: The Farm is strongly recommended.

1. Spice - 4.25
2. Complexity - 4.28
3. Garnishes - 4.0
4. Overall Taste - 4.7
5. Price - 3.6

Overall: 4.17

E: El Cholo (Santa Monica)

Overall Grade: 2.9

When you think bloody marys, you probably don’t think Mexican restaurant, and in choosing El Cholo as our bloody mary outing, neither did we. In fact, the plan was to find a fun place to drink heavily to celebrate the three day weekend in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr., the upcoming inauguration, and our right as Americans to get drunk on a Sunday afternoon. In so doing, we discovered a pretty decent bloody mary.

To be honest, the details of the bloody mary are kind of blurry. It was the first in a long line of drinks (which were actually pretty good – margaritas, pomegranate margaritas, sangria – mmm sangria). From what I remember, there was some tomatoey/v-8-ish base, an olive, some spices, some pepper, and a pretty smooth finish. Given the number of drinks we all had that day and the amount of food we ate, for the life of me I can’t tell you from the bill whether the price of the bloody mary was reasonable or not, but my instincts tell me it was.

Our waitress was great – kind of a spacey yet subtley witty girl who kept us full with drinks and food and was pleasant all 7 hours we spent there despite the fact that El Cholo forces her to wear a very silly House on the Prairie-like dress. We thoroughly enjoyed our drinking session at El Cholo. It has a laidback but fun party atmosphere, above decent food, and an overall decent bloody mary.

1. Spice - 2.25
2. Complexity - 3
3. Garnishes - 3
4. Overall Taste - 3.25
5. Price - ??

Overall:

D: Duke's

Overall: 3.0

D is for Duke's (http://www.dukesmalibu.com/).

I grew up watching the television show The Price Is Right and ever since, it's been a life motto of mine. If something I typically wouldn't buy is on sale or just obviously underpriced, more often than not I announce "the price is right!" and make the purchase. So, like other things in my life, TPIR applies to the bloody marys one finds at Duke's. No, they're not the best but for $6 in Los Angeles, I say drink up. Dukes provides the type of bloody mary you drink one of and don't regret, but you won't be begging for more.

The bloody marys themselves were your average and standard bloody mary. Nothing that will blow you out of the water, but all in all, nothing to complain about. Celery stalk? Check. Seasoned tomato juice? Check. The bartender definitely followed the rules, but never took the step to add a little lagniappe to made it his own. We were a little upset about the lack of olives, and, although we were excited to find peppercinis in our drinks, one of us received a pathetic, shrivelled up one which is just wrong.

You can't beat the view at Duke's, though, and it's one of those places that even if the food is mediocre (is wasn't - definitely a small step higher than that), you'll undoubtedly be going back for more sooner or later. Also, they have a fantastic beach drinks menu and the drinks on that menu are strong. Sitting right off the beach drinking a strong mai tai made me feel like I was on spring break. Had there been a wet t-shirt contest, I might have even thrown my hands in the air and said "why not?" but...maybe next trip.

1. Spice - 2.125
2. Complexity - 2.5
3. Garnishes - 3.0
4. Overall Taste - 2.75
5. Price - 4.5

Overall: 3.0

C: Chateau Marmont

(Note that this review is of the restaurant at Chateau Marmont, not to be confused with Bar Marmont next door)

Overall Grade: 1.9

Chateau Marmont, www.chateaumarmont.com, a West Hollywood Institution known for celebrity partying, debauchery, and at some unfortunate times, celebrity death, is not, and should not, be known for its bloody marys. I'm pretty easy when it comes to bloody marys - give me a nice thick and spicy bloody mary, or even a mediocre bloody mary with some serious condiments (think slim jims), and I will love that bloody mary as if it were my own child. The blood mary at Chateau Marmont was neither. It was watery, weak, lacked complexity - the spice was derived almost completely from black pepper - and literally left a bad taste in my mouth. The ultimate sign of my dislike of the bloody mary: even I, a self-proclaimed serious Sunday day drinker, had to resort to a mimosa for my second drink. The horror. Chateau Marmont should be embarrassed to charge $13.50 for such a weak bloody mary.

That said, regardless of the fact that CM makes a weak and overpriced bloody mary, the food at the restaurant is super! The delicious french fries lived up to their reputation, and we were all happy with our lunch sandwiches. Drinks at CM may cost you an arm and a leg, but the food was actually reasonably priced. A delicious Steak-Um like steak sandwich cost $17, compared to $18 for a mimosa.

Needless to say, Chateau Marmont is beautiful and you never know what celebrity you might see lounging in the hotel lobby or eating at the restaurant. Definitely go eat there, but make sure you arrive liquored up so you don't have to spend your whole paycheck on overpriced drinks and bad bloody marys!

1. Spice - 1.8
2. Complexity - 1.8
3. Garnishes - 2.2
4. Overall Taste - 2.3
5. Price - 1.5

Overall: 1.9

B: The Belmont

Overall Grade: 4.3

The Belmont (http://thebelmontcafe.com/) is a poor man's hip Hollywood brunch spot, but I say this in the nicest way possible. Parties of two sit side by side so they can face outward and people watch, and you're guaranteed to see a C list celebrity everytime you go. Don't get me wrong, I like The Belmont. It isn't hard to get a table, and people have no qualms about getting loaded regardless of the time of day as the asshole across from us was thrilled to demonstrate.

The bloody mary bar. One word: ridiculous. I lost count of the kinds of olives to choose from, but other favorite garnishes include but are not limited to beef jerky, sun-dried red peppers, asparagus, cocktail onions... the list goes on (and on.) With three different types of tomato mix to choose from, as well as unlimited tabasco, worschester and A-1, I got nervous and chugged my half-made bloody mary while still at the bar to fit in all the fixins'. I got back to my table with half a glass of bloody mary topped off with a salad bar of garnishes, as well as a handful of extra goodies I couldn't cram into my glass. I would have stuffed my mouth to the brim to get more back to the table had I not seen Steve Sanders the last time I was here. Despite the breadth of blood mary toppings, I was disappointed to see that the bar ran out of beef jerky after my first drink, and that there were no slim jims available (as I had heard) to add to my tasty adult beverage. The bartender also did not refill the toppings quickly enough, thus rendering me unable to shove a celery stalk into my overflowing mary.

I've been regularly going to The Belmont for years now, but this was my first brunch visit. I was somewhat disappointed to see they didn't have their amazing mac 'n cheese on the day menu, but relieved at the same time since I'm going home for Christmas on Saturday and want to be skinnier than all the bitches I went to high school with.

Your take away from this: the food was alright, but I'll stick to their great happy hour deals unless I specifically am going for their bloody marys... which are very much worth the trip themselves.

1. Spice - 4.75
2. Complexity - 4.5
3. Garnishes - 4.9
4. Overall Taste - 4
5. Price - 3.25

Overall: 4.3

A: The Abbey

Overall Grade: 3.9

Since we're doing this A-Z, we naturally started with The Abbey in West Hollywood: http://www.abbeyfoodandbar.com/

$10 for one bloody mary is somewhat pricey knowing that I'll be having a minimum of 2. However, these had the perfect amount of spice and our drinks all came out with different garnishes which always left us guessing in that fun, what-could-be-coming-out-next kind of way.

Our server was to the point pleasant, good-looking and very attentive. If the drinks were less expensive, I would've ordered more and spit some game, shaming myself by neglecting the fact that I was in a predominately gay bar. But alas, I saved my money and my dignity.

The Abbey gets bonus points for their Trio Hamburger and Hummus appetizers. An overall great vibe, and if the bloody marys were $6 a pop I wouldn't be able to stop myself from frequently going during lunch breaks from my miserable job.

1. Spice - 4.5
2. Complexity - 3.5
3. Garnishes - 4
4. Overall Taste - 4.5
5. Price - 2.5

Overall: 3.9