O: Outlaws Bar & Grill

Overall: 3.2

People receive nicknames for a reason - because they fit. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. "Magic" Johnson. Isaac "Black Moses" Hayes. And following suit, self-proclaimed "grubbin' an a guzzlin' establishment" Outlaws Bar & Grill (http://www.outlawsrestaurant.com/) certainly lives up to its nickname. Before I go on about their bloody marys, please note that this place serves a 2 lb hamburger. And now...moving on.

The bloody marys were great - well-seasoned, priced and spiced. I'm pretty sure they were pretty powerful, though I shouldn't be the judge. In anticipation of tackling the 2 lb-er, I ran 6 miles the morning of in preparation. I'm sorry to have let my fellow blogger and thousands of blog followers down, but when push came to shove I ordered the lox. Nobody was more disappointed in myself than I.

I'm a fan of this place - wooden floors that look like you can toss your peanut shells on, a full bar, their own parking lot and GREAT food. I'll be back.

1. Spice - 3.5
2. Complexity - 3.0
3. Garnishes - 2.0
4. Overall Taste - 4.0
5. Price - 3.5

Overall: 3.2

N = Nightmare, otherwise known as Newsroom Café

Overall: 0

You know when you have one of those days where everything just sucks? That was my life the day we went to the Newsroom Café in Beverly Hills.
My co-blogger and I started the day off hungover. We had been out the previous night for one of our fellow drinkers’ bachelorette party and had drank our body weight in various forms of alcohol. We got so drunk that we stole a camera, threatened to punch people in the face, and kissed an unattractive stranger (and by “we” I mean my co-blogger).
But I digress.
We arrived in the late afternoon for brunch and ordered bloody marys as we waited at the middle of a table for six, across from each other, for our friends to arrive. We were told by our waiter that the Newsroom had run out of their bloody mary mix and there would be none for us that day. After tossing some serious attitude at our braces-wearing waiter, against our better instincts and because we thought our friends would be joining us soon, we decided to stay.
After perusing the Newsroom’s long, disjointed hodge-podge of a menu, we settled on two dishes we thought would be fun: a spicy curry shrimp dish and an omelet with smoked salmon. I think this may have been the grossest food I have ever eaten in my life. I am nauseous thinking about it now.
By the end of our meal, we still hadn't heard from the others who were supposed to join us, so we left: bloody mary-less, angry, bitter, still very hungover, and now a bit nauseous. The only cure we could come up with for our misery was dessert at Diddy Riese, http://www.diddyriese.com, the Westwood mainstay. It worked (for the most part) – two fresh cookies with a scoop of Dreyers ice cream for a mere buck fiddy made things better, but could not make up for the fact that the Newsroom sucks.

1. Spice - 0.0
2. Complexity - 0.0
3. Garnishes - 0.0
4. Overall Taste - 0.0
5. Price - 0.0

Overall: 0.0

M: Magnolia

Overall: 2.25

While the food at Magnolia was decent, the "M" in Magnolia does not stand for Memorable when it comes to their bloody mary, although I do remember being hit hard by it. The bloody mary was strong and the taste was good, but it's definitely not one of the best we had.

Magnolia is typically known as a cool dinner/loungey spot, but when you walk in for brunch it looks like you're at the club at 2:00 a.m. after last call when they've just cranked up the lights. However, the food was more than adequate and the cocktails (in which we partook post bloody mary) were delicious, and, like the bloody mary, very strong.

The most amazing thing about our meal was by far the dessert: the chocolate cookie mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwich. A taste of heaven - and cut into four perfect pieces for me and my 3 friends. Sorry we didn't tip you extra for the TLC with the dessert, Waitress, but we're in a recession!

1. Spice - 2.0
2. Complexity - 2.0
3. Garnishes - 3.0
4. Overall Taste - 2.25
5. Price - 2.0

Overall: 2.25

L: The Lobster

Overall: 4.25

Maybe I was delirious from the pain of having just fallen off my bike, and maybe my drinking partner was still drunk from her trip to the Caribbean, but one thing I am sure of is that the bloody mary at The Lobster, http://www.thelobster.com/, was by far the most beautiful bloody mary we have seen thus far. The “beauty” I refer to was the huge cocktail shrimp jutting out of the bloody mary, accompanied by his good friends celery stalk and olives. The bloody mary itself was more than good, with a nice spice and complexity, and went perfectly with our meal of Lobster Cocktail, Crab Enchiladas and Fried Calamari. Although the menu is in general a bit overpriced, the portions were not stingy and we were very satisfied with our food choices. If you can plan far enough in advance to get a window table at The Lobster, do it – the view of the Santa Monica Pier and the ocean is unbeatable, especially at sunset.

The only thing negative I will say about our experience is that our crazy eyed waitress with the penetrating stare took about 5 minutes too long to take our drink orders, but after that, she was on top of it. Just don’t look her straight in the eye…

1. Spice - 4.0
2. Complexity - 4.0
3. Garnishes - 5.0
4. Overall Taste - 4.0
5. Price - 3.5

Overall: 4.25

K: Kitchen 24

Overall: 3.6

Look, I love Barney's Beanery and all other party eateries in WeHo/HW, but sometimes you just want to have brunch without catching an STD. Jokes aside (I'm not joking - have you been to Barney's?) Kitchen 24 (kitchen24.info) is cut from a different cloth. Pristine white countertops and a bright room are always a nice surprise, especially in a neighborhood known for its nightlife. (Note: we were there at 3 p.m. rather than 3 a.m. when the bars get out and a DJ is spinning. So yes, you can probably scratch most of this paragraph.)

The bloody marys were hands down the largest I've ever gotten at a restaurant; I feel like it was a half gallon, respectively. The quantity over quality rule doesn't apply here - they were really good. And bonus: I learned Baltimore's nickname is "Charm City" when our MD-based bartender explained why he rimmed the glasses with Old Bay. So, add that to the useless info file in which I specialize.

I would absolutely come back here, and hope to someday in the near future. Breakfast served all day and night, full bar, DJ, dessert cocktails, open 24/7… the list of good things just doesn't stop.

1. Spice - 3.0
2. Complexity - 3.25
3. Garnishes - 4.0
4. Overall Taste - 3.75
5. Price - 4.0

Overall: 3.6

J: Joe's Restaurant

Overall: 3.1

Remember that guy you knew some years back... You’d heard rumors that he was amazing, and you thought he looked pretty good but you just weren’t interested in him. That is, until that day when you got drunk and finally hooked up with him and realized he was f-in amazing and couldn’t stop stalking him? Well, that’s what Joe’s Restaurant (www.joesrestaurant.com/) is like.

I’d heard from a number of people that this place was great for dinner and brunch, but until I tasted Joe’s for myself, I was not a true believer. Now, I’m obsessed.

Nestled at the top of quaint and hip Abbot Kinney, Joe’s provides the perfect ambiance for a laid back, but high quality Sunday brunch. For an average of about $17 (w/o drinks, that is) Joe’s brunch includes a tasty choice of appetizer (spiced milk and granola - mmm mmm), a hearty and delicious main course (huevos rancheros = good), and all you can eat of the most amazing banana bread with butter and jam.

Oh right – the blood marys: The bloody marys were ok. Our charming, ever present, waiter told us that the house recipe was great. Not sure I would completely agree with his assessment.
In closing, the blood marys were decent, but for brunch, Joe’s just might be the best I ever had…

1. Spice - 3.25
2. Complexity - 3.0
3. Garnishes - 3.0
4. Overall Taste - 3.0
5. Price - 3.25

Overall: 3.1

I: I Cugini

Overall: 2.8

If you want to have a stunning Sunday brunch with a gourmet buffet, live jazz, view of the ocean and don't plan on drinking bloody marys, I Cugini (http://www.blogger.com/www.icugini.com/) is for you. If bloodys are an intricate part of your Sunday jazz brunch as they are for us, save yourself the cash and reread our posting for "H".

I Cugini is hands down the nicest restaurant we've gone to so far. There's a strong possibility I was swayed by their bathroom's cloth towels, endless chocolate covered strawberries and the excitement at the possibility of a 4 hour Sunday happy hour, and gave a higher rating than what is deserved.

In struggling to stay grounded and focus on our bloody mary mission, I will say this: the bloody marys are only mediocre. The presentation was lovely as you can see in the picture, but they tasted as though the only seasoning added was pepper - the black-peppered rim, while very unique, didn't make the situation any better.

So, if you want to gorge on great food with solid live jazz playing, do it to it. Just order a mimosa and look like a bitch.

1. Spice - 1.5
2. Complexity - 4.0
3. Garnishes - 4.0
4. Overall Taste - 2.0
5. Price - 2.5

Overall: 2.8