B: The Belmont

Overall Grade: 4.3

The Belmont (http://thebelmontcafe.com/) is a poor man's hip Hollywood brunch spot, but I say this in the nicest way possible. Parties of two sit side by side so they can face outward and people watch, and you're guaranteed to see a C list celebrity everytime you go. Don't get me wrong, I like The Belmont. It isn't hard to get a table, and people have no qualms about getting loaded regardless of the time of day as the asshole across from us was thrilled to demonstrate.

The bloody mary bar. One word: ridiculous. I lost count of the kinds of olives to choose from, but other favorite garnishes include but are not limited to beef jerky, sun-dried red peppers, asparagus, cocktail onions... the list goes on (and on.) With three different types of tomato mix to choose from, as well as unlimited tabasco, worschester and A-1, I got nervous and chugged my half-made bloody mary while still at the bar to fit in all the fixins'. I got back to my table with half a glass of bloody mary topped off with a salad bar of garnishes, as well as a handful of extra goodies I couldn't cram into my glass. I would have stuffed my mouth to the brim to get more back to the table had I not seen Steve Sanders the last time I was here. Despite the breadth of blood mary toppings, I was disappointed to see that the bar ran out of beef jerky after my first drink, and that there were no slim jims available (as I had heard) to add to my tasty adult beverage. The bartender also did not refill the toppings quickly enough, thus rendering me unable to shove a celery stalk into my overflowing mary.

I've been regularly going to The Belmont for years now, but this was my first brunch visit. I was somewhat disappointed to see they didn't have their amazing mac 'n cheese on the day menu, but relieved at the same time since I'm going home for Christmas on Saturday and want to be skinnier than all the bitches I went to high school with.

Your take away from this: the food was alright, but I'll stick to their great happy hour deals unless I specifically am going for their bloody marys... which are very much worth the trip themselves.

1. Spice - 4.75
2. Complexity - 4.5
3. Garnishes - 4.9
4. Overall Taste - 4
5. Price - 3.25

Overall: 4.3

A: The Abbey

Overall Grade: 3.9

Since we're doing this A-Z, we naturally started with The Abbey in West Hollywood: http://www.abbeyfoodandbar.com/

$10 for one bloody mary is somewhat pricey knowing that I'll be having a minimum of 2. However, these had the perfect amount of spice and our drinks all came out with different garnishes which always left us guessing in that fun, what-could-be-coming-out-next kind of way.

Our server was to the point pleasant, good-looking and very attentive. If the drinks were less expensive, I would've ordered more and spit some game, shaming myself by neglecting the fact that I was in a predominately gay bar. But alas, I saved my money and my dignity.

The Abbey gets bonus points for their Trio Hamburger and Hummus appetizers. An overall great vibe, and if the bloody marys were $6 a pop I wouldn't be able to stop myself from frequently going during lunch breaks from my miserable job.

1. Spice - 4.5
2. Complexity - 3.5
3. Garnishes - 4
4. Overall Taste - 4.5
5. Price - 2.5

Overall: 3.9